travel

Water is Soft

Friday, December 6, 2024

Jump off line: Tell me all about it

I went surfing. My instructor Lily is part of the only women-owned surf school here in Oahu – the North Shore Surf Girls. Lily looks like a supermodel – tall, fit, blonde with blue eyes. She is radiant, jovial and just beautiful. She grew up here and has been surfing in these parts since she was 6.

She starts with teaching me the techniques, the dos and don’ts. Towards the end she asks me ,“are you ready?”. My reflex answer to that question is “I was born Reddy!” but before I could respond, she exclaimed “you look ready!” I don’t know why I thought it would take me another 2-3 weeks of physical therapy and exercise to attempt surfing.

I walk into the water, it’s rocky and the water is just right, not too cold. Soon, I get onto my longboard and start paddling. I am hit with shock mixed with surprise. I blurt out “it’s so soft!” Lily looks at me puzzled. “The water.. it’s so soft I don’t know why I was expecting it to be hard. It’s like.. like water!” I can’t believe myself. I had unknowingly been bracing myself for this moment for weeks now. A habit I seem to have developed in preparation for doing things I deem hard. Here I had somehow equated my ability to surf to be proof that I was ready to go back and face the world – what had seemed so hard the last few months. I had thought of surfing as a high bar for a tired, moody, chaotic me to achieve.

Lilly helps position me to catch my first wave. “Push up!” She says. That’s my cue to start paddling as fast as I can so that I can get on the board just as the wave starts to roll and so I get on my board, find my balance but the wave peters out… “Ahh you need a longer wave! Hold on” This next one I paddle, get on my knees and then my feet, I wobble, find my balance and then I stare out at the beach and palm trees with my jaw wide open. I caught a wave. And it lasted a loooong time. I drop back into the water and can hear Lily screaming and cheering me on. I catch another. And another. And another and many more. I start asking Lily tips on how to get better and what’s good versus great and how long it would take to not be a beginner and what that means. She answers my questions, we chit chat about her life and my life. She later says, “I just surf for fun. I enjoy the small waves, nice and mellow. I don’t care about the big waves.” That’s when I decide that I am not gonna aim for the big waves, I am just going to have as much fun as I can. I am keeping surfing as my fun thing. And I might extend that philosophy to all of life. My fun thing.

A few things in no particular order

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

Jump off line: A few things in no particular order

I woke up thinking I wasn’t doing enough, not making progress fast enough, not healing soon enough and then I saw a snail in the garden with its shell on.

Jacob, my paddle board instructor points out the Hawaiian Green sea turtles in the water, on the beach. He tells me they like to ride the current. I ask him how can I paddle faster. He tells me I don’t need to.

In the morning I sit with my blue majik spirulina bowl in what has become a daily routine of jogging, meditating, doing nothing by the beach. I google the benefits of spirulina, it feels good in my body. I marvel at my bodies ability to tell what feels good versus great. It’s starting to speak to me. My doctor said that when I first came to him 4 months back I was disconnected. Presumably from my body.

A guy at the beach says aloha to me, I assume he is talking on his headphones and ignore him. He says, “I have been coming to this beach since I was 2. Here in Hawaii when somebody gives you aloha, you give some aloha back. Else the locals will stop talking to you.” I apologize. We start talking. For 3 hours. He tells me about the history of the island, the many people who came to conquer it. He is very knowledgeable. He is a surf instructor. I get to know that he has coached world champions. We talk about what it takes to get good. He tells me about the Makai, the ocean. How you have to know it’s every turn, its currents, its subtleties. It’s a dance.. and she throws them off every now and then.. but it’s all fun. I tell him about my desire to learn surfing. My plan to create an ecosystem. I marvel at his intellect.

Later in the afternoon, I take an hour to learn how to breathe right. I play around with various angles of my neck and spine, see what feels right.

Valeria was cleaning my room and took 5 mins to properly line the trash bin. She says she’s a perfectionist, that she does things with love.

I feel awe for the Hawaiian spirit. I am drawn to this land like a bee to its hive. 

The Miracles Are Everywhere

Sunday, December 1, 2024

I put on my sneakers for the first time in this trip thinking I am finally ready for a little morning jog. I jogged slowly down the bike lane flanked by lush greenery unique to Hawaii and the many wandering iridescent roosters. I hit shuffle on my Lotus Love Spotify playlist and the song ‘Morning Sun’ comes on. I am reminded of the yoga instructor who introduced me to this song whose directions to child pose towards the right to the sun and the left to the moon and then the center to the stellar spellbound me. I let it play and then played ‘The Cyberpunk Runner’ to increase my tempo. I tried it for a few minutes and felt distracted. Mood noted. I switch back to playing Morning Sun on loop for the remainder of the job. It must have been a couple of miles till I got to the Sunrise Shack. I got my almond coconut bullet coffee and Açaí bowl topped with vegan protein. I went down the nearby beach, took off my sneakers and sat in silence. The sand was cold, the morning sun had not hit it yet. I finished my coffee and bowl while I started to take note of the thoughts pouring out.. in the form of a memo(!). It was my immediate plan of action. Finally some clarity. I shared it with family and realized that I was finally feeling confident enough in myself to do so. I was anxious about their response. I stood up and stretched, massaged and gently touched my body to listen to it, the only way I know to love myself. I remembered to stand at ease like Jill taught me yesterday. It felt counterintuitive. Jill said it’s because it’s my blind spot. I stood still with my feet looking far out at the glistening ocean, sinking deeper and deeper into the sand with each incoming wave. I saw a medium sized black crab and was reminded of their adaptability and ability to self protect at will with their shell. I wanted to take more pictures but my phone battery died. After a while I felt ready to walk back. My feet were sandy, so I walked on the trail barefoot for a bit till it dried out. The tiny pebbles and twigs felt like natural foot acupuncture. I felt thirsty and was surprised to immediately turn a corner to find drinking water fountain. I didn’t know how far my hike back to the lodge was and walked slowly past joggers, dog walkers, moms feeding their kids breakfast as they made castles in the sand. I let my mind wander. I walked behind a family for a while. The dad was holding a baby who did not break eye contact with me for a while. I started to play funny faces with her like my mother did with me till she got bored of me or I of her. I got to the lodge and started thinking of what I wanted to do next and scratched my left little toe along a rock. I was reminded to be mindful of my body and not careless with it. I ran into Bernie and he asked me how my morning was. It was perfect. I was perfect this morning.

Big Sur

December 13th 2023, Esalen

It was probably 2009, a few months after I moved across the planet to America for my Masters. But what it really was was my first encounter with the blue, vast, infinite Pacific Ocean. I had a rust colored dress on and I was happy. I remember because I have a picture of me from then. I was happy. It didn’t matter that I was still hurting from a painful breakup, I was full of joy. It was not just highway 1, it was not just California, it was the land and space around Big Sur. What is it about this place that makes it so special? Why am I drawn to it?

It’s 2023 and it’s my fifth time (!!!) at Esalen. It’s a beautiful retreat which has somehow managed to become a microcosm of everything Big Sur is. It’s a place of joy, connection and coming into your own path. It offers an altered state of being with a community of other seekers. But what it really offers is access to Big Sur. There’s the ocean with different shades of blue, aquamarine, cobalt, green, turquoise, dark blue with its waves foaming in white lapping against white-topped rocks, creating whirlpools for as far back as you can see and merging with the blue open vast sky. This is the backdrop of hills laden with trees paining a pretty silhouette against the sun rising and the ocean glistening, sparkling the same sparkle you see as night turns in and you watch the sulphur vapors from the hot springs, but when you look up the same sky is studded with countless stars which glisten the same way. They, the ocean and the sky are just playing catch with all that sparkles. Star dust and magic. The monarch butterflies, warblers, sparrows, stellar jays, hawks, seagulls, and of course the barking sea lions, raccoons, lizards teach you how to be. Like the otter on its back floating with the waves in the ocean every now and then playing, turning over and back on its back again. 

Big Sur has the elements – water, air, wood but not fire. The living beings witnessing it perhaps brings the fire element. The beauty I sense is perhaps from the fire I breathe and to see the land respond, and perhaps that’s why there is alchemy happening at Big Sur or as it’s more commonly called—Magic.